Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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