it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
