Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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