i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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