I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
