i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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