Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
