Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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