my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
