If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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