two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
