I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
