I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
