Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
