yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
