well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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