Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
