My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
