So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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