i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize