apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
