Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
