I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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