I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
