i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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