i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
