I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
