I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize