doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
