Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
that's an acceptable place to lick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
