i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
