I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize