I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize