is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
