omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I believe in your delicious
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
