a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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