hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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