my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
