Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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