This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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