What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
