you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
