i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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