Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
