I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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