I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ttyl tear gas
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
