Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
