I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
