Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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