I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize