please come you make the beer taste better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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