why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
