PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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