what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
