i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
