just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
