No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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