Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
