I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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