Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
