Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
