check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
