no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
