I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize