His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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