Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
