I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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