If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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