If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
