I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Randomize
