just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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