Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
