this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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