We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
