had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
