I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
