a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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