Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
