a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
