could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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