Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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