the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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