im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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