i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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