After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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