He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
