She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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