If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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