You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
