Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
