When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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