chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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