Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's Friday. Sex?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
