How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
