he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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