I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
