you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
