This is not my ceiling
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
