A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
