Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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