I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
