I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
