At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she woke up with a sticky ear
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
