so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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