at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
