Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
