He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize