I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
