Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize