He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
