I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize