he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
