dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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