i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
