Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize